10 Commandments of Pregnancy: For Husbands

Pregnancy is… weird.

Sure it’s beautiful, cool, entertaining and overall MIND BLOWING, but really, this whole growing a baby thing is just weird.

I promised you sweet readers weeks ago when we announced the coming of our first baby that this would not turn into a pregnancy blog. And it’s not. There are plenty of other folks out there that are way more knowledgeable (and less hormonal) to provide you valuable info in that category.

However, this post idea has been marinating in my pregnant brain for a few weeks, so we are going to have a little bit of fun today. (Hopefully you ALWAYS have fun when you stop by 7 Days Time… But perhaps today will be a new kind of humor.)

So yes, my darling husband and I are expecting our first baby in February. We are well over the halfway point and the third trimester is looming in T minus a month or so. In this first stretch of pregnancy, we have learned a lot… about growing babies, about each other and yes, even about Jesus.

If you have had a baby, are currently pregnant, know someone who is pregnant or especially if you are a husband of a pregnant gal, this post is for you. Feel free to share, and please comment below with your OWN “commandments” for being pregnant <or dealing gracefully with a pregnant woman. Creativity encouraged.>

(By the way: My hubby and I kind of co-wrote the following– some of them are from our experience, while others are inside jokes we wanted to share with you. Sense of humor is vital!)

Wait… You said WHAT? (This is my preggo warning look. Scary, I know.)

Ready? And now, we proudly present in no particular order, the Ten Commandments for Husbands with Pregnant Wives!

1. Thou shalt not eat the last of your wife’s “pregnancy food.” This includes all items purchased during a “craving” moment… just because the craving has passed for now, don’t assume it won’t come back. It also includes all “easy meals,” leftovers and anything involving chocolate. When in doubt, ask permission. Otherwise (in my husband’s words) your wife “may destroy you.”

2. Thou shalt prepare thyself for her hormonal mood swings. Know that she can go from sweet and darling one minute to hysterical over something seemingly small the next. Oh. And never, EVER laugh at these changes, no matter how random/entertaining/goofy they might seem.

3. Thou shalt never refer to her as any kind of bovine– aka, milk cow.  It doesn’t matter if she gives you play-by-play of her changing body, her yearnings to drink more milk and the idea that she will soon potentially be able to produce milk to feed a tiny child. Even if, on a good-humored day, she taught you a cheer from Universal Cheerleading Camp about milk: “Don’t gimme no pop, no pop, don’t gimme no tea, no tea, just gimme that milk, moo, moo, moo, moo, just gimme that milk, moo, moo, moo, moo.”

4. Thou shalt be enthusiastic about week-by-week updates of the baby’s growth. Yes, even if you have to fake it a little bit. “Wow, honey! Week 22!! Our baby’s eyelids are fully developed AND it’s the size of a spaghetti squash! Cool!” (It does not matter if you do not know what a spaghetti squash is. Google it.)

5. Thou shalt be interested in all things baby. It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand the difference between an Exersaucer or a walker or a Pack-N-Play. Engage. Participate. Even if you have to feign interest. Your wife will LOVE you for it! (See commandment #4.)

6. Thou shalt not brag about how great you feel, how much weight you lost, or how well you slept. Chances are, she doesn’t feel great, she weighs more than she has in previous seasons of life, and she is not sleeping well. Instead of her being overjoyed for you, it will probably activate commandment #2.

7. Thou shalt not make a huge deal about the awesome foods you are eating or how much you ate of it. Avoid talking about how great that bratwurst at Oktoberfest tasted or how refreshing your homemade beer was as it sloshed down your throat. If you ignore this commandment, you risk being thwacked… or having your shoes puked on.

8. Thou shalt never utter the following phrases: “Calm DOWN, wife.” or “Wow, you are getting SO HUGE!” or “It’s all in your head.” Self explanatory.

9. Thou shalt be aware of your “smells” and keep them to a minimum. Keep in mind that a whiff of your smelly army work boots or you noshing on your favorite Limburger cheese could send your wife running to the bathroom… And then running after you when she gets done.

10. Thou shalt support and pray with (and for) your wife regularly. Pregnancy, especially the first one (in our opinion) is exciting, confusing, emotional and yes, even a little scary. Always be willing to take ahold of your wife’s hand or stroke her hair and say, “Let’s pray about this, sweetheart.” Always point her back to Christ in moments of emotions, fear or doubt. After all– you both have been invited to participate in the coolest Jesus arts and craft project ever… TOGETHER, as husband and wife.

“May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice!” ~Proverbs 23:25

Categories: baby, Family | Tags: , , , , , , | 25 Comments

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25 thoughts on “10 Commandments of Pregnancy: For Husbands

  1. Molly

    Thou shalt tell your wife she is beautiful, lovely, pretty, gorgeous, etc- even more often than normal! It can be hard to feel attractive as your body morphs in ways you never imagined possible. With all of those hormones floating around, making faces breakout like a 14 year old’s and making moods a little unpredictable and supporting the life of your growing offspring, reassurance that you delight in her inside and out is very, very valuable!

    • If there was a FB like button on this comment, I would click it! I totally agree with you, sweet Molly. The “weirdness” of pregnancy can be a little overwhelming in the physical appearance category– and it is so encouraging to have our darling hubbies still delight in us (even more so than normal.) Awesome addition to these commandments!

  2. brandibuzzard

    I love this and I LOVE that you remember UCA cheers still! Ack – so long ago. I’ll keep these in mind for Hyatt if the pregnancy days ever happen to us. Prayers your way for safe travels in South Dakota and for baby Patriot!

    • Thanks, sister– and it’s a little terrifying that I still remember that stuff from FRESHMAN YR of HS. (I feel like it’s taking up valuable brain space. Oh well.)

      And yes– be sure to bring these up to Hyatt WHEN you guys get to the baby making stage of your marriage. (No rush though 😉 )

  3. Kristy

    I just want you to know that this article made my visit to the doctor much more pleasant- not an easy task! Loved this!!!!

    • So super thrilled… That’s a huge slice of encouragement to me, because doctor’s visits rank right up there with updating our budget and right below dentist visits for me. (GAK.) 🙂

  4. courtney tucker

    Oh how these 10 commandments are so true! reading this made me think when we were expecting our sweet bundle of joy, made for a wonderful laugh! The funny thing is most stay even after the baby is born, everything is different!

    • Thanks so much for the comment, Courtney. And I’m thrilled that these made you giggle a bit– they still make me laugh and I am in the middle of it as we speak.

  5. love all of these….I would add one to the list….like…..never tell her she looks like she will pop…cuz you just might get popped! cute and very funny post….love and blessings from Nicole @ Seven Flowers.

    • Bahahaaa– I laughed out loud at this comment– and SO TRUE! Great point (and I am sure that it will become quite the experience as I grow closer to my “popping” date.) Thanks so much for “Popping” by 😉

  6. Tiffany

    Love. Made me LOL. And of course I shared it with some prego friends. 😉

  7. Jackie Davis

    Umm, perfect. I will be sharing this immediately following my comment 🙂 I will say, as this is our second pregnancy, that these commandments dont really change much after you have your first. The only changes are that there are more emotions involved as you start to consider your ability to split your time, attention, and even love with baby #2. On the positive, the husband does begin to catch on to a lot of things after the first go around… such as #2, 4 and 5 in our case 🙂 THANKS FOR THE LAUGH!

    • Your comment made me grin– and encouraged my heart– thank you for that! It sure is a learning process! Everyday there is something new to learn/embrace/comprehend– but it sure is a cool experience. (And yay for hubbies “catching” on… all part of the loving training process yes?)

      Thanks for stopping by, friend– and thankful I have another super cool preggo pal at CCC!

  8. dukeslee

    LOL! Absolutely hilarious. I love your spirit. 🙂

  9. I loved this! Brought a huge smile to my face! #4 is great and #10 is wonderful! Thank you for sharing hun at Simply Helping Him! Blessings!

  10. Samantha Metheny

    Learned this from a pregnant girlfriend – Thou shalt not offer unsolicited advice. Could be hazardous to your health. Love you, Sharita. You blog has been such a blessing.

    • Ug, this one is SO true. And I *think* I might be writing another post to include “commandments” for strangers/other people when it comes to pregnancy. This unsolicited advice piece is definitely going on that one too! (Although hubbies should take note as well…)

      Thanks for your comment, Sam– you make my heart smile!

  11. Love from Maine girl! You guys are a riot! 😉 ~ Blessings, Amy

  12. Pingback: 10 Commandments of Pregnancy: For friends/family/strangers « 7 Days Time

  13. Pingback: 10 Commandments of Pregnancy: For the Preggos Themselves « 7 Days Time

  14. Pingback: 10 Commandments for New Mamas | 7 Days Time

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