10 Commandments of Pregnancy: For friends/family/strangers

Remember a little while back I wrote a snappy lil blog post called 10 Commandments of Pregnancy for Husbands? Well, it was such a hit (per generating many laughs, comments and/or AMENS) that we are adding a new chapter of 10 Commandments of Pregnancy…

This time, it’s for everyone. That’s right, friends, family members, acquaintances and yes, even strangers.

Buckle up. Brace yourself. And get ready to chuckle at these real life, personally-instigated guidelines from this pregnant gal.

Remember: They are funny (and applicable) cuz they are true.

So without further ado… We now present “10 Commandments of Pregnancy for friends/family/strangers/etc.” Let’s do this…

1. Thou shalt not give unsolicited advice. This is a big one. Remember that pregnancy, especially for a first time mama (like me) can be overwhelming in general. Our body is doing some absolutely crazy stuff and we are bombarded with information on TV, the internet, books and our doctor. If we approach you asking for advice, by all means, let’s pour a cup of decaf coffee and chat. However, if we met four seconds ago in the produce section of the grocery store, please don’t share the latest statistics about how the .0001% amount of pesticides that might possibly be on the lettuce could cause birth defects. Unnecessary.

2. Thou shalt remember that the pregnant future-mama’s word filter is broken… if it is still intact at all. This is no excuse for us preggos to be rude… but sometimes, especially if you violate commandment #1, our broken/missing word/politeness filter reaction will be automatic and we will say something we will probably regret later. We appreciate your compassion to laugh it off and take no offense to our surge of progesterone word-vomit… or better yet, just nod your head, smile and walk away before the situation escalates.

3. Thou shalt not uninvitedly share your overly-detailed, graphic, or scary aspects of your personal delivery experiences. (This especially applies to complete strangers.) I understand that birthing a child results in the automatic induction to an elite and awesome mommy club. Which is super cool. But remember that our preggo brains are already really good  at dreaming up all of the crazy possibilities that could (but probably won’t) happen during delivery.  So please, please, don’t share with us how much you “tore” during labor (Dear Lord!) or the fact that the 48 hrs you were birthing your child were the most horrific two days of your life. It’s not encouraging. It’s just scary. (And we would like to live in denial for as long as possible, thank you very much.)

4. Thou shalt be excited for said pregnant mama. It doesn’t matter if it is her first baby or her twelfth. The overall idea of two leedle, bitty cells coming together to make a person as part of the coolest Jesus arts and crafts project ever is something to be celebrated. (See commandment #10)

5. Thou shalt not awkwardly apologize for things that do not need to be apologized for. Weird, but true. Even if the mama is a little overwhelmed by the fact that she is expecting her second baby in record time after baby #1 was on the ground, (whoops) or if she announces that her third baby happens to be “another” boy just like the previous two, don’t apologize. It can be offensive and disheartening. (Refer to Commandment #4 and #10.)

6. Thou shalt offer to help in any way possible. Yes, we preggos want to be independent… but sometimes it is nice to be taken care of… I mean seriously, who doesn’t want an extra casserole in the fridge in preparation for baby’s arrival? (This one is especially important if future-mama doesn’t have immediate family right down the road… or in the same state… or in the same time zone.)

7. Thou shalt not be judgey. Seriously. This is dangerous for all parties involved. If you see me shotgunning a Venti Starbucks drink, please don’t shoot me a look of doom… Because in all honesty, it’s probably decaf anyways and it’s been “one of those days.” Yes, if we are super close as friends/family and you see me going to town chowing down 13 Big Macs, by all means, lovingly call me out. (But keep your fingers back. I might bite.)  This also applies to general parenting decisions, such as whether or not we are finding out the gender, or what kind of diapers we will be using. If its something seemingly harmless, just let us be.  It is the safest option for all parties involved.

8. Thou shalt make and extra effort to guard your word vomit… Specifically avoiding phrases like “Wow, you are HUGE!” or “No baby YET!?!” or “Oh you are still super early in your pregnancy” or “Oh you just wait…” Each one of these make me cringe. Remember that we preggos tend to be overly sensitive and hormonal with broken word filters ourselves. So when we are miserably 40+ weeks pregnant counting the hours still baby makes his/her appearance and you utter the words “Still no baby yet? You look like you are going to pop!” we reserve the right to mutter something under our breath about “I will show you pop” then whacking you in the face. (Just kidding. Violence is not the answer.) But seriously. Please guard your words.

9. Thou shalt not touch the belly… or enter into the mama-bubble at all unless invited. I haven’t had to deal with this one too much– yet. I don’t know if it’s because I am not “super big” yet at 27 weeks, or I am not around enough people or if I naturally wear a subconscious look on my face of “Stay back or I will cut you.” Just remember that if you get all up into our kool-aid to “pet” our baby bump, we might spray you down with lysol (if we happen to be in a germaphobic mood) or reach out and pat your belly– which will just make the situation super awkward (and remind you that you shouldn’t have eaten that extra piece of cake after supper last night.)

10. Thou shalt encourage and pray for the mama-(and daddy)-to-be! Much like the 10 Commandments of Pregnancy for Husbands, we need all the prayers and encouragement we can get. As first (or second, third, fourth, etc) time parents, its super exciting, overwhelming and scary. I promise you that if you ask how you can pray for us, we will appreciate it– and be more willing to extend grace when you accidentally  violate any of the other 10 commandments.

What do ya think? Got any other commandments to share (that perhaps personally happened to you?) Don’t be shy about commenting below or sharing with your friends for a lil dose of encouragement today!

Grow baby grow,
SGK

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” ~Psalm 139:13

Did you take notes?
(PS: For all of you demanding baby bump pics~ Here’s one from around 23ish weeks.)

Categories: Family | Tags: , , , , , , | 18 Comments

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18 thoughts on “10 Commandments of Pregnancy: For friends/family/strangers

  1. LOVE the 10 Commandments (o: I’ve got 4 children and I AGREE completely with what you have written (o:
    **I did love when people I knew wanted to touch my belly ~ Not strangers tho!!!
    You are one blessed momma!!! Enjoy those baby cartwheels (o:

    • Ha ha, thanks Sue! I am thoroughly enjoying the baby cartwheels– even at 3am. (Reminds me that this is REAL LIFE lol)

      I don’t mind people I know touching my belly. (Last night we had our holiday military ball– and apparently the dress I wore made my belly a magnet for people I knew.)

      I think I will draw the line on the strangers thought– I’ve become something of a germophobe since coming down with pneumonia in first trimester. I have no desire to EVER be that sick again, thank you very much 🙂

      Love to you and your family, my friend!

  2. Lori Lockwood

    LOVE it! Hahaha I think you hit them all…. 🙂 You learn quick! I remember how odd and uncomfortable people just wanting to touch by huge belly lol. or how anyone just being dumb and annoying would make me want to just throw them to the side and keep on walking, Irritating sales people- people that walk in front of u soooooo slow. Patience just was not the strong suit for me during that time at all. Crazy advice? Most of the time, I could recognize their desire to help and just turn the ears off smile as sweetly as I could with the brain disengaged and nod as in agreement. You are doing well, Sharita. Ignore the negative, good time to learn the skill of looking as though you are listening while you are actively refusing too LOL 🙂 If it makes u feel better- I had great pregnancies and wonderful birth experience and it will change you heart and life forever in a way nothing else will and you will be in awe of what God has done for YOU. 🙂

    • Tell me how you REALLY feel, Lori! (Totally kidding. Please don’t throw me to the side and keep on walking.) I totally get it. My patience gets stretched thing– but God has been using this experience to grow me not only into a Mama, but a stronger Christian. I’m excited for all He has in store for us!

  3. Jenn Gifford

    I’m at that point where everyone and their Aunt Bessie is calling me asking me if I’m having contractions. With my next pregnancy(if there is a next, I’m sure I’l be positive to tell you there won’t be after labor) I’m going to tell everyone that I’m due a month later than what I actually am!! At two weeks late with Miss Eden I thought I’d punch the next person who asked “Still pregnant?” What in the heck does it look like people?? Not only was I pregnant with a 10 and a half pound baby, I was two weeks late, and extremely hormonal. The NERVE!! haha!!

    • Did you know that my great gma was named Bessie? And I recently named our copy machine at work that? (Sorry– that’s the way my brain is wired now.)

      You make me giggle– and I promise that I won’t be asking you if you have had this baby yet– but I will be silently stalking your FB page until the big day. Almost there! 🙂 Love you girl!

  4. Brittany Donley

    I love love love these. I will definantly need to remember these for the future!! Prayers are with you guys during this overwhelming yet exciting time in your life! Much love being sent from Kansas!!

  5. Not to break one of your commandments, but on the unsolicited advice “Oh, you just wait”. 🙂 I thought it was bad when I was pregnant with Jameson, but I had no idea how it would be once I had the kid! I really don’t mind if someone wants to make sure I am aware of a strategy that worked for them or some new research – I tend to do this a lot because I like to be helpful and hate the idea of someone struggling with someone when I know something that may help them- if I ever do it too much just tell me!:) , but the “Oh, I can’t believe you STILL let him have his pacifier” or the ever wonderful “He still isn’t sleeping all night? Oh, you just need to start him on solids/cereal in his bottle/ cry it out” etc make me want scream! I still get it constantly now, but I just have figured out how to present myself very clearly as not inviting that sort of advice. Again, I am all for people cluing me in on things I didn’t know, especially when they are someone who shares similar parenting philosophies and know me well, but I have no idea why people assume that they should use your frustrations as a reason to make sure you are aware of just how superior of a parent they are.

    PS- I do have my birth stories posted on my blog. I *think* I filled them with information that is helpful for moms who have never experienced labor, but I will tell you that they both have some of those scary things in them (but only because I like to have all the details) but also have a lot on why those scary things aren’t always so bad. Just wanted to let you know that they are there if you care to read them.:)

    • I don’t mind “unsolicited advice” from people I know and/or trust– it’s the rando’s that kind of stress me out– when we don’t share even close to same values. That’s what really gets me squirrely.

      It has (and will continue) to be a learning experience. And perhaps the “Oh you just wait” has ALWAYS been a pet peeve of mine– even when I was in HS talking about college (Oh you just wait- it’s SO much harder!) or college looking fwd to the “real world” (Oh you just wait…) For me it isn’t really a reality check, because I know I can’t know how different/challenging/wonderful/etc it is til I am there– but dagnabbit, I am going to strive to look forward to it til that time comes 🙂

      Thanks for the tips, Brandy! Blessings to you and your current #3 preggo journey!

  6. Thou shalt not be offended when parents make a decision about the child God entrusted them to raise.

    Thou shalt not be offended when the growing family requests space…of their own. :0)

  7. Yes….best arts and crafts project EVER! I might have karate chopped my great aunt’s arm when she tried to rub my belly. It was instinct I swear! So glad you are enjoying your pregnancy and can’t wait to see you soon!

    • Ha ha, thanks for letting me use your coined phrase of “Jesus arts and crafts project.” You are such a great resource for funny blog material.

      I miss you SO MUCH and can’t wait to see you in less than a month (weather and Patriot permitting.) Love to you, My Cheesy Mollusk!

  8. simplyhelpinghim

    Love this yet again Sharita! 🙂 You make me laugh sis! Thank you for sharing and linking up at Simply Helping Him! Blessings!

  9. Pingback: 10 Commandments of Pregnancy: For the Preggos Themselves « 7 Days Time

  10. Pingback: 10 Commandments for New Mamas | 7 Days Time

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